Big Bang Theory
which he set on fire
to amuse himself.
You and I,
like everything else,
flying glowing
oxidizing particles
of transcendental digestion
reflecting in His eyes
then He giggles
and, perhaps,
He does it again.
to the Henri Church
and the irreverent Patethakis
And for what, except myself, do I feel love?
Lust for every book, book upon book stacked up
hoping with each to unhide me.
An absolute light, not wrong, not correct,
outside of any cave, the self unbound,
unshackled from every fret and fetter.
I can imagine my eyes blinking, squinting,
adjusting to the brilliance,
marveling at the objects bathing in it
like nymphs in a silver lake,
and then, my gaze not directed but drawn
staring straight into . . .
At that moment, would I realize
that the shadowy tropes
that turned their undulous turns,
stepping in Time
on the hard irregular surface of the wall
were indeed the swords that cut me free
from the Gordian knot
of ideas?
Would I at last know them
as the only true expressions of the truth?
Listen, young one, to the sounds of my insights
into you, who arise
emerge as I do,
unlike the children who will one day grow up
within this vernal spirit.
Listen, young one, to all I know
of you, who found your self
here, fallen
from a very real heaven
They pitched you out
tossed you like a log onto a fire
landing with a crackle, embers swirling
into the air like rushing spirits,
each flying spark
an Indra, a soul king,
spending borrowed wealth
which They gave, They who tossed you here
then went away
dead.
You fell into this fire
chewing your tongue, charging
an electrical potential in the skull
in the guts
of the body
the sparks, words
which I gesture out at high voltage,
gutturally, limbically,
electric birds of art and logic
migrating to that on which no wings can alight,
in which no nest can construct itself with the help of beaks
and talons,
and the whistles and sidelong glances
from creatures on which it preys,
a thing far away from sound
as the stars of the universe in their quiet burning,
one and the same as the ground
from which all sacred mantras emerge
into which they dissolve
the source of breath
the irrational impulse to breathe.
As a rite of passage I will take you to the fight,
young one, I will buy you
your first cigar, your first cheap beer
in a can, take a look in the ring,
there in the red corner, weighing
in at 154 pounds
a man with a pen,
waterproof, fadeproof ink,
acid free paper.
And in the black corner
of infinite size and density
infinite water, infinite fading . . .
the opponent?
Take any one of these cornered creatures
no matter how beloved
no matter how many souls were fed by his magic beans,
somewhere in the universe, gods are laughing
uncontrollably at the moment of his demise,
no matter how painful, no matter how lengthy,
and during the wake they titter
and all through the eulogy they chortle and guffaw.
Even his magic beans
for which he cared so lovingly,
planted so thoughtfully
and with such inspiration--
they care nothing for him.
Quantum physics has become philosophical ipecac
people take a spoonful
and throw up half-digested metaphysics.
Casual passers-by see this splatter
and mistake it for abstract expressionist science
or simply science.
Who can resist?
Now they give us superstrings
adding resonance to the marvelous
images of the infinite hive
which contradicts the now.
To hear a symphony an organism must cradle the notes
collecting each one
with atomic fingers
storing them in a vault of light
without walls
molecular hands opening again and again to receive more.
Bind those hands now
the magician misdirects
unconnected sounds and silences
a death and resurrection show
the escape artist escapes
and leads you through a trap door
to the past
or the future,
two scantily clad assistants
whom the magician
locks steamer trunks
going nowhere
we never forget them,
they continue to reappear
while the orchestra plays,
building our suspense.
Every note is a hero
traveling the sacred round
separation, initiation,
return.
Stop a violin string at any instant and what do you get?
A paradox for Zeno if he had an ear.
And that quantum cat?
Death-Life
Love-Death
Bitter-Sweet
Mind-Breath.
The form you think you can touch,
the vibrating string,
the purring cat,
the Big Bang that happened
precisely in the center of your heart,
a potential for form released like arrows
from cells respiring
a potential that came from the lyre of the sun
another locus of the Bang.
I cannot isolate an object in space
in words, I cannot isolate an emotion
a thought, it all happened
now-not-now.
I play the superstrings of the lyre
I fire the arrows of infinite distance
moving nothing
everything
moving.
Every poet knows this.
(form follows function)
The photos gave homage to Weston
with a nude in place of green peppers.
He covered her body with black ink
and posed her in intricate ways,
the swing of her knees
the sway of her hip
the fall of her back
the rise of her lip
through the lens he saw lines bending,
glowing, fading.
It shaped him.
After hours of exposures she went to the shower
he went to the darkroom with a clock and red bulbs.
Half an hour later she called to him
sweetly
when he answered she asked him
to get her a towel.
He brought it, the doorway was open
the room had gone dim with the sun.
He noticed a streak near her earlobe
ink she had missed when she washed.
He imagined her hands on her body
rubbing the soap on her body
he turned and returned to his work.
(Beauty is truth . . .)
A strange residue of silence
precipitated by climactic encounters
poisoned his romantic notions
the way weapons of chemical warfare
kill cancerous tumors
draining energy from cardinal organs.
He looked at her lying
naked, sleeping,
her mouth agape
he replayed the scenes
and gradually
they transformed him.
The banquet of intimacy progressed
from naked pencil marks of a cupiscent mind
to golden nude portraits glowing . . .
not a fabulous posterior to grab at the hips
no idealizations described with cliche,
just clear sensations
revealed by light and curve,
a perfect body perfectly concrete
infinite and insubstantial
touched with eyes, hands, and lips
responsive at every point of contact
every overlap of otherness
exploring itself.
The undulations of language
washed him, washed over
him, in situations and events
like beads in a double-knotted mala,
mantras, seed sounds,
an orderly germination,
rhythms from every season,
like spirits walking by chance
attaching themselves loosely to objects and powers
symbols and vibrations,
their feet know lightness
they make marks as in wet cement
the stone books of our age
the statues of Ozymandias that will yet crumble to dust,
and the song those children sing: The nectar of the gods
is vinegar,
Your life is written with a broomstick in the sand,
the tide is coming soon.
Sweet small deaths,
trembling in the candle light,
the curves, the whispers,
the erotic wake.
Almost everyday he thinks to himself
“Poor Keats . . . poor everyone . . .
Truth does not exist---
there is only poetry . . .
our only shelter,
the only thing to stand in,
nude, naked,
comprehensively exposed.”
Appendix:
“It is no wonder that when therapies strip man down to his naked aloneness, to the real nature of experience and the problem of life, they slip into some kind of metaphysic of power and justification from beyond.” –Ernest Becker
My lucky number broke down.
E Pluribus Unum, padre,
my soul is poor.
Dominus omen
dominates all men
the augury
of an innocent Sunday morning.
The words we spoke
had blood in them
and the cup
we had to stand around it
around the cup and altar
while the bread turned to body
or mush
we stood
hands crossed over small hearts
beating under gilted vestments
How much longer?
Lord, have mercy?
We’re saying that again?
“The doors, the doors of wisdom . . .”
Yes, yes, wisdom
“Let us attend . . .”
Yes attend. Pay
attention everyone
they’re passing the plate
the priest says some things in whispers
sometimes only God can hear
He’s having mercy
because we’re making the sign
some are swatting flies
holiness crawls
on the yellowing walls
in the golden robes
in the painted icons
stained glass facing east
it is rising
the sun
the song I hear
that lady singing
her blonde voice
echoes through the dome.
An Artistic Socrates Reflecting on His Eastern Counterpart
Aiden O’Shea sat with his head
holding up the sky
gazing at a far off mountain
and the many green trees in between.
His hands moved the pen round the page
like the painted men of an Apache circle
moving the Great Plains energy
around a bonfire,
to the rhythm of the drum
beats of summer.
The cat appeared,
he named her Dharma,
and she rubbed her cheeks on the legs of the chair
saying, “This is not the human
I left an hour ago.
Can the human body-mind consume itself
in fire,
and rise from its own ashes
fully alive, swaying
like reeds, singing
like songs in the wind?”
“Ah, cat! This is my way,
like you in your movements with the mice.”
“What do you hunt?”
“What do you hunt?”
“I think I see.
Can you say more?”
“This Earth of ours
takes endless breaths, not human
breaths which exist as ideas,
but an unnamable action at which
we can point ourselves with sacred icons.
Sometimes we miss the rising and falling
suggested by the image, movements of bone and muscle
moving grass, moving branches . . .
A man once dipped those branches in paint
and after a night of moonlit breathing
the Earth revealed her Work.
We call it complex,
nonlinear, the rhythm
of fruit on forbidden trees.”
“The Earth paints with trees.
Man paints with brushes and pens.
How does Heaven paint?”
“Why do you postulate any movements but these,
themselves but postulations?
Man cannot understand
Heaven and Earth, little Dharma,
because to stand under them
means to stand in subjugation
to parts of things.
Aiden O’Shea once had a dream, little Dharma,
and in that dream he becomes lucid.
Not like you when you simply dream
of catching mice.
He knows his own presence
in the dream, on a sidewalk,
some indeterminate time and place.
And first he tries to fly.
He leaps into the air
with determination.
He falls back down, hard,
sprawled on the cement
which feels so much like cement
that he hugs it
pausing to enjoy the irrational grit,
the tiny pits and peaks,
an expansive craggy wasteland to the ants
crawling near his fully sensitive hands.
He briefly considers the idea of having sex,
but instead stops a passer-by,
a woman with curly hair
carrying a red umbrella.
He says, ‘I’m sorry
to bother you, but I’m looking
for a very old,
very wise man.’
She looks at him with scorn
as if he merely wants to seduce her,
and she stomps away.
‘They play their parts well,’
Aiden
thinks.
He stops another person,
a woman dressed in a woman’s business suit,
carrying a brown briefcase in her right hand.
He chooses the words carefully:
‘This may sound
crazy, but supposedly
a very wise man lives
near here
and I want to find him, to interview him
for the newspaper.’
‘Right in this building,’ she replies,
pointing to a lefthand path.
Aiden goes inside.
He sees an old man,
probably blind.
He sees that he must take a number
and get a fortune cookie
from a bowl.
While waiting to see the wise man
each person opens his cookie
and writes his question
on the slip of paper inside.
When Aiden woke up
he could remember neither his question
nor the answer the old man gave.
By dreaming of a wise man
Aiden doubts his own wisdom.
But since he dreams
he asserts his own wisdom.
By not remembering the question
or the answer
he again doubts.
But the Awakened One walks in Silence
and teaches by holding up a Lotus.
When he wakes, Aiden
cannot say the question
or the answer.
Did they exist in the dream?
Or did Body-Mind maintain
a Noble Silence
offering only a blooming Lotus,
the dream itself?
Ah, cat, the moving pen
does not mean,
does not answer or ask.
The poem blooms.
Hold it in silence.
Someone will smile
and wake up.”
Appendix
“There must be some distinction
between Aiden
and the wise man.”
“Aiden calls this
transformation,
or the equality of all things
Great and Small.
Back and forth he moves
in thinking about these boats in the docks:
fool or sage,
sage or fool?
He mimics the gestures of Heaven
and Earth
by engaging this movement, meditating
on Wisdom
and Ignorance, Freedom
and total Dependency.
He makes a mystery
of himself
of his two selves,
Sage
and Fool,
Angel
and Insect,
Mind
and Body.
What remains?
The Maker
of this Mystery.
(What happens when I make
a mystery of you, cat?)
If only he can complete this Mystery,
allow the non-existent Maker to make him
wholly mysterious, wholly
hidden in the Universe
he will become totally found,
totally able
to See.
Until those eyes come,
he looks with the vision of a predator.
He hunts–almost like you.”
I.
I am 15.
6 months ago
a man asked me to marry him.
I said no.
One week later
he came into my bedroom
and poured battery acid
on my face
on my neck.
I awoke to intense burning
thinking I would die
for a moment hoping
I would die.
I have had 8 operations:
face
eyes
neck
I will have 4 more.
The pain does not end.
I will never look
like myself.
Of course people stare
of course
I want to cry.
It hurts to cry.
My eyes remain
like a desert.
II.
I am 15 years old.
4 years ago
my father gave me to a man
with a dowry of a watch, a goat, and a bicycle.
My father had none of these things.
My husband felt cheated.
Surely my husband hated me,
he beat me every day.
People told me
to stay
to stay because
leaving
would be worse.
But one day the rain came.
I felt like the sky laughing
so hard I cried
the flood tore down our house
a falling timber killed my husband.
I got a loan
and began growing crops.
After 2 years
I was wealthy as any man.
I took out more loans
and planted a large crop.
But the rains came.
I felt like the sky mourning,
so deeply I could have laughed crazy,
the flood
destroyed everything.
III.
My 15th birthday just passed.
We ate a very big meal.
A year ago my sisters and I
ate almost nothing.
We fasted to save money.
My mother carries stones
as heavy as I am.
She has done this
all my life.
A year ago
when we began fasting
the 5 of us
moved into one room in our house
and we took two lodgers.
We used all our food money
our rent money
our work money
to buy the village phone.
Having the village phone
is better than my factory job.
I lost that job
because something happened
in New York.
Someone told me
a plane crashed there.
Someone else said a building fell down.
No one really knows.
Maybe they had a flood.
Human! Human! burning bright,
Nature’s burden, Nature’s blight,
Such deluded hands and eyes,
Such frightful strange asymmetry!
Throughout the depths and in the skies
The fallout of thy greed and lies.
With wings of wax you dare aspire,
The fool forgot he stole the fire.
Tense, curved shoulders, and sickened heart,
The loss of spirit and of art . . .
And when thy soul cried out for bread,
Who chose desire and fear instead?
Ideas and dogmas turn to chains
Holding back thy brilliant brain.
The fist of thought has a deadly grasp,
But might those fingers yet unclasp?
When the stars burst into dust
Giving forth what maketh us,
Did their final glimmer show
How misdirected we might go?
Human! Human! burning bright
Nature’s wonder, Nature’s light,
Such awakened hands and eyes,
Such joyful strange asymmetry!
It bears witness to us
to the rhythms blossoming in our eyes
in the whole of us
spacious flowers opening
and closing between horizons,
to the sounds wandering like Theseus
in the dark labyrinth of the one
who listens.
Ariadne’s threads,
knit into the fabric
of the flesh
a sweater for bones,
scarves for every cell
made near a smouldering hearth
during an awesome night,
threads knit into the bones,
into the cells,
fabric stretching for miles on every side
nothing but an intricate yarn
continuous, uncut,
moving with the muscles,
the nerves, the blood and water,
moving them,
they move it
in return.